A couple of days ago in Denver, Colorado, pedestrian Calvin Hobb was walking from his car to his job. Calvin then heard a distant vrooming sound. “At that point, I was skeptical.” Said Mr. Hobb when I interviewed him. “I looked toward the sound, and I see the strangest thing. A little kindergartner was on a giant motorcycle, and he was chasing a guy with a pack of gummies. At this point, I’m still taking this in, and while I’m doing that, 6 more little kids on motorcycles are chasing the guy.” Then after Mr. Hobb saw that, he did what any person would do if he saw a guy with a pack of gummies getting chased by 7 kindergartners on giant motorcycles with flames painted on them.
Mr. Hobb grabbed a stick off the ground and chucked it at one of the motorcycles. All the kindergartners wheeled around and started chasing Mr. Hobb. “At that point, I was questioning all my life choices,” says Mr. Hobb. While he was sprinting, Mr. Hobb called the police on his phone. “911, what’s your emergency?” “Help, I’m getting chased by Kindergartners on motorcycles. I’m on Spiff Street. Come quick!” “Got it sending S.E.W.P strike force now.” “Hey, isn’t S.E.W.P Strike force for Extraordinarily Wimpy People?” “Yep.” “HEY, DON’T SEND THEM! I’M NOT A EXTRAORDINARILY WIMPY PERSON!” The police had hung up.
A minute or so later, Mr. Hobb saw S.E.W.P police cars and rushed toward them. “There they are!” He said, pointing to the motorcycle gang. Three police cars started after the kindergartners, and the kindergartners took off. These criminals have not yet been caught, but police urge you, if you see or have any information about these kindergartners, please call 911 and report it right away.
