The shocking news has just come in! A pinecone civil war broke out before school on September 7th at Broomfield Hights Middle School. This school is located in Broomfield Colorado. Now we interview young David Higgons – a witness to this war. “It was terrifying.” Say the young boy. “How did this riot start?” asked our reporter. “I have no idea. I was just coming down to the 7th grade entrance when I noticed 7th graders were chucking pinecones at the little 6th graders.” Now we interview FBI agent Farhana Ammar, who apparently witnessed the whole thing.
“It all started when a 6th grader decided to be stupid and through a pinecone down where the 7th graders were. It ended up landing on a student who goes by the nickname “chainsaw”. Chainsaw didn’t like getting a pinecone getting dropped on his head so he decided to retaliate by throwing one back at the 6th graders. Unfortunately the kid ducked and the pinecone ended up hitting a random toddler.” We looked back on the security cameras around the school and this toddler has been identified at Malory – as seen in the toddler delivery/moving service article. Unfortunately for chainsaw, he is now in the hospital with a skull fracture. We wish him a speedy recovery.
When chainsaw got beat up by a toddler, that set off a chain reaction of 7th graders throwing pinecones at 6th graders and that continued until it became a full-on war. The civil war was stated by many eyewitnesses to end as soon as the doors opened to the school. We can also give you an excusive quote from the school announcement lady – provided to us by the undercover FBI listening divices planted in the school. “There will be no throuing of pinecones”
“Were lucky that the doors opend when they did.” Says Kean Deleney; a student at the school. “This could have been another we want recess riot.”
