This past week in Denver CO, Eddy Henderson a local scientist has made the shocking discovery that the earth is in fact a donut shape. According to Eddy this is the reason for map distortion on a flat surface. According to him “Because the earth is in fact a donut, it could be displayed on a flat surface, however because the government has been hiding this from us, the maps that show earth as a “sphere” are all distorted as the map is being projected onto the wrong shape.” “The government dosent want us to know the true shape of the earth. You hack into a CNN broadcast to inform people about donut earth ONE TIME and all of the sudden your a “federal criminal” and have to serve 10 years!?! What happened to freedom of speech???” says Eddie from his cell at Hudson Correctional Facility.
In light of this ground breaking news, a new conspiracy theory has emerged. The sphere earthers have quickly convinced 96% of Americans to believe in their ridiculous lies. The sphere earthers have even gone as far as to infiltrate schools, and teach children the lie that the earth is round. We now conduct a interview with a local sphere earther of Broomfield Colorado, Creedon D. Benke.
Interviewer: So Creed, how did you get recruited into this insane conspiracy theory?
Creed: IM NOT A CONSPERACY THEORIST!!! NEXT YOUR GONNA BE TELLING ME THE MOON LANDING WAS FAKED!
I: Actually yes. Because the earth is a donut, that shape would make it impossible for a moon to orbit stably.
C: Oh my god your insane. WHY WOULD NASA WANT TO FAKE A MOON LANDING?!
I: To hide the true shape of the earth from us.
C: EVEN IF THE EARTH WAS A DONUT WHY WOULD THEY CARE IF WE KNEW THE ACTUAL SHAPE OF THE EARTH!?
I: Thats not the point. The point is you’re a conspiracy theorist.
C: LITERALLY 1500 YEARS OF SCIENCE HAS PROVED THAT THE EARTH IS ROUND!!!
I: You cant believe everything you read on the internet Creed. Someone probably put that on Wikipedia as a joke.
C: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
The interview ended there as Creed knocked out the interviewer with a glass. We will now take a moment of silence to wish the reporter a speedy recovery. AND NOW FOR THE SPONSER / FINAL SEGMENT OF TODAYS POST: HAPPYS PIZZA!!!!
