Recently on Tuesday, March 21st at Broomfield Heights Middle School, the annual battle of the books competition was held. In the 7th/8th category, there were only three 7th-grade teams. Out of all of those students, the group that won was the “Dogs With Knives”, a group of local morons. “FOR THE LAST FREAKING TIME, IM NOT A MORON!!!” Says team captain, Collin Samuel Milo Pedro Wolfred Titan Harland Feimster, when asked if he is a moron. We now conduct an interview with Cooper Hansin, one of the members of the Dogs With Knives.
Cooper: How was your weekend?
Interviewer: It’s a Thursday.
Interviewer: Anyway, can you tell me what kind of training your team used to prepare for this competition?
C: Yes I can. First to warm up we ** *********. Then we **** **** *******. Then to wrap up we **** ***** **** *******. (This information has been censored as The Dogs With Knives don’t want their rivals to find out their training methods.)
I: Wow how interesting, no wonder you won the competition!
I: Now what do you think is the quality that made your team win Battle of the Books 2023?
C: Teamwork. There’s nothing more important than trusting each other!
I: Really? Thats so wholesome!
C: NO OF COURSE THE QUALITY WASENT TEAMWORK WHAT IS THIS THE DISNEY CHANNEL
Well, that depressing line from Cooper Hansin concludes our interview with him. The 2024 Battle of the Books list has now been released, meaning that the BOB season will be starting very soon. According to Max Owens, a local gambling addict the stakes have never been higher for betting on the 2024 Battle of the Books. BOB odds and betting have now been added to Colorado’s top gambling sites such as Oddsjam, Draftking, and Ceasers Sportsbook. Now, as the Dogs with Knives are sponsored by us here at The Banter News our lawyers believe that we are entitled to 10% of all profits for BOB bets in 2024. Gambling companies listed above, watch your back our lawyers are coming for your blood.
In a recent turn of events the dogs with knives have created their own online merch store where you can buy some very high quality products such as, bottle openers, brass knuckles, and even the limited edition DOGS WITH KNIVES LIGHTER. And to make that deal even better, use code TBN2024 at checkout to get a whole 0% off! So go buy the limited edition merch and check in again in march for the results of the 202 BOB competition.
